


Dear You

by fairyminseok



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 18:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5713465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyminseok/pseuds/fairyminseok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>es·cape;</b> an act of breaking free from confinement or control</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear You

  
  
  
_ And I know that I’ve been asking a lot but, would you run away with me right now? I’ve got the whole world figured out. _   
  


  
~❀~

  
  
  
  
Lu Han is terrified.  
  
He already can't figure out how group therapy of all things will help his anxiety when it's _group_ therapy.  
  
 _People._  
  
There's going to be _people_ and lots of them, and Lu Han, he'll need to talk probably.  
  
 _No_.  
  
Lu Han paces outside the building, spins on the spot; he refuses to enter, refuses to face a group of people he doesn't know, who will probably laugh at him. His hair, his clothes, the red spot on the side of his nose where he'd scrubbed too hard, couldn't get rid of.  
  
He does go in eventually, fingers in his mouth distractedly, arms closed in on himself as if awaiting danger; and Lu Han supposes he is, waiting for danger. Waiting for someone to speak to him, for the anxiety to spike from just being around _people._  
  
He worries about other things too; he hasn't started his assignment that's due tomorrow and he's wasting precious time at this session, he hasn't cleaned the dishes and his hair _looks so bad_.  
  
The group therapy room is nothing like what group therapy looks like in movies. It's not a grey, dreary place with some uncomfortable chairs in a circle. Instead, its a cozy looking room with a TV on one wall and some couches, all comfortable looking and facing each other.  
  
Lu Han feels somewhat calmer upon seeing it, though his heart still thuds. He's the first one here, early from his fear of getting lost, from being late and having all eyes turn to him when he walks in the room.  
  
His least favourite thing.  
  
He picks a seat in the corner, close to the window so he can look out if he needs to, escape from the suffocating mess that is socialization. And this, it doesn't count really because Lu Han isn't with his few friends, and he's not about to have fun.  
  
A boy walks in, not that tall with dark brown hair and sunglasses. He's dressed well and fit too, ripped jeans and soft, button down shirt attracting Lu Han.  
  
Lu Han can feel his anxiety spike at the sight of this boy, at the way his stomach does a flip when he takes off his sunglasses and smiles brightly at Lu Han, making his way through the empty room to sit right beside him.  
  
"I'm Yixing," He says with a grin, and Lu Han thinks it's kind of radiant. "I'm chronically sad."  
  
"You don't look sad," Lu Han blurts out, and he's crossing his legs, twisting his hands almost painfully. He shouldn't have said that.  
  
"Not everyone looks sad," Yixing tells him, and he doesn't look offended, more mildly amused as he glances at Lu Han, looks him up and down. "The happiest people could be the saddest behind closed doors," He eyes Lu Han carefully then, and with less tact than Lu Han says, "You look like a mess though."  
  
"Thanks," Lu Han says, and his smile is shaky, sarcastic. He may be an anxiety ridden mess, but he knows how to defend himself. "That's rude to say to someone."  
  
"And so is what you said," Yixing says with a shrug. "Telling someone they don't look sad makes their issues seem fake."  
  
"I didn't mean to--" Lu Han stammers, cutting himself off and frowning. This is why he doesn't do anything, why he doesn't leave his house. It's been a minute and he's already ruined a possible--  
  
"I can see the gears turning," Yixing interrupts his thoughts as if he can read them. "You're fine. I don't get offended easily."  
  
The smile Yixing gives him says _new friend_ and it has Lu Han relaxing.  
  
The session might not be so bad after all.  
  
  
  
  


  
~❀~

  
  
  
The session does go terribly, with Lu Han stuttering, trembling through his introduction, pointless bowing and hand shaking involved. What's curious though, is that no one else fares much better, the rest of the group seems nervous, or resigned to their fates.  
  
Yixing however, rises with a flourish to give his introduction, casual air causing both envy and wonder from Lu Han who watches him with quiet, attentive eyes. He wonders what makes Yixing 'chronically sad', wonders what secrets flow through his veins when he's alone, when he doesn't have a bright smile on his face.  
  
He corners Lu Han after the session is before, effectively stopping Lu Han's attempts at sneaking out the door before anyone notices, at skipping the cookies their therapist gives out at the end.  
  
"Hey you," Yixing says, and there's nothing malicious about the way he says it, nothing malicious about him at all really. "You wanna sit together next session?"  
  
"Sure," Lu Han says weakly, and he manages a smile, the shaky one he attempts when he's ready to cry. And he's not about to cry now, but he's nervous, shaking, still on his fearful high from having to speak in front of a group.  
  
"I'll be seeing you then," Yixing says, and the way his fingers trail down Lu Han's arm as he leaves has him shivering with a kind of anticipation.  
  
  
  


  
~❀~

  
  
  
  
"So," A voice comes too loudly in Lu Han's ear, startles him out of his daydreaming. He'd been sitting on the steps of the Blue Cross building, early and staring into space. "Whatta ya say we ditch next time?" Lu Han turns to look at Yixing with a confused blink, the tiniest bit irritated with his enthusiasm. "I know some good places."  
  
"But-- we won't get in shit?" Lu Han asks, and he's stuttering, voice hushed as if the therapist is going to leap from the bushes any moment.  
  
"It's therapy, not school," Yixing says with a grin and a shrug. He's infuriatingly casual, purple backpack slung over one shoulder and eyes shining with something mischievous. "Plus, don't you think having some fun and forgetting our problems is easier than sitting in some stuffy room listening to everyone else's?"  
  
Lu Han can't argue with that, and he finds himself looking forward to his day with Yixing.  
  
  
  
  


  
~❀~

  
  
When Yixing said "ditch" he apparently meant "I'm going to break through your kitchen window at 8 A.M and force you out for breakfast."  
  
Lu Han wonders if this kind of recklessness is a coping mechanism of the sadness he's yet to see. He's never really had anyone be this much of an enigma so quickly, and it makes him curious, entices him from his shell.  
  
Lu Han only gives the holes in his screen a moment's thought before he's shuffling to keep up with Yixing's brisk pace/ He runs a hand through his messy hair, cringing at the way Yixing is crisp, fully dressed and radiant as Lu Han struggles behind in an old hoodie and sweats.  
  
Yixing is quiet even as he buys Lu Han french toast, looking absently around the restaurant as if Lu Han isn't even there. When he does seem to remember Lu Han, YIxing's lips curl up into a kind of smirk, but it's a soft one, eyes lighting up as he pours syrup over his food.  
  
"You're cute you know that?" He says with a grin, and Lu Han flushes, eyes widening. "The just got out of bed look is good for you."  
  
"Is it?" Lu Han says sheepishly, and he doesn't miss the way it spikes his anxiety in a different way, has his heart beating faster.  
  
Which is ridiculous because has met Yixing twice.  
  
"It is," Yixing says, and it almost sounds reassuring, which is strange because Lu Han hasn't said anything to be in need of reassurance of. "I'll take you back home to change though," Yixing continues with a laugh, unrestrained in the tiny restaurant. "We'll be out all day."  
  
"All day?" Lu Han asks with widening eyes. He had planned on only being with Yixing for an hour or two, maybe get a bite to eat instead of therapy. Yixing it seems, has other plans. “I’m not really sure—“  
  
“Live a little,” Yixing says, and then in a more serious voice adds, “I want you to forget to worry.”  
  
“And how do you know I worry that much?” Lu Han retorts, a little offended, a little defensive.  
  
“I’m good at reading body language,” Yixing smiles. “And all you do is shake.”  
  
“I’m usually good at reading personality,” Lu Han shoots back, and it’s more a confused confession than a response. “And yet you make no sense. You’re too care free for someone who’s ‘chronically sad’.”  
  
“Recklessness is a side effect of escape,” Yixing says, leaning back in his chair and sucking on the ends of his fork. “What better way to cope with crippling depression than to avoid it?”  
  
  
  
  


  
~❀~

  
  
  
  
“You’re different,” Lu Han comments once he’s changed into nicer clothes, once he’s run a comb through his messy hair.  
  
“How so?” Yixing asks, and he looks perplexed, genuinely confused. “I’m like a lot of people. Not different.”  
  
“You’re different,” Lu Han repeats, and he nods, to himself, really. “You’re just different. Unique. Kind of wayward.”  
  
“Wayward,” Yixing says with a hum, and Lu Han thinks he sees it, the flash of sadness hidden in his irises. “I like that word, wayward.”  
  
“Wandering a different path,” Lu Han says airily, and he giggles to himself like a small child, feels poetic. “Where are we going?”  
  
He forgets to notice that he’s not shaking, not nervous.  
  
"I'm not telling you," Yixing says with a wink, and Lu Han swallows, wills down the nervousness that threatens to flare back up, to consume. "Don't worry, it's just this novelty market downtown," He says with a soft laugh after noticing Lu Han's apprehension. "You seem like you'd like it."  
  
"And how do you know what I would like?" Lu Han asks with a kind of small laugh, a held back chuckle.  
  
"I'm a good judge of personality," Yixing says, tugging Lu Han down the street with a hand tight around his wrist, one that doesn't let go the entire walk downtown.  
  
It's nice out today, soft winds and clouds scarce, the kind of day that feels like it needs to end in ice cream, cool evenings. Lu Han wonders if he'll have time to take his notebook to the hill with the good view of the sunset when he's done with Yixing.  
  
"How long will we be out?" Lu Han asks, and he's mentally planning the hours, putting blocks of time into categories, making a schedule. He needs schedules.  
  
Yixing shrugs, and he finally lets go of Lu Han's wrist as he twirls on the spot turns to face him while still walking backwards. Carefree and radiant; Lu Han still wonders where the sad is, where it hides and when it comes to the surface.  
  
"Until I get bored," Yixing answers after a short while of silence, and he's smiling gently. Lu Han is shocked by the amount of different smiles Yixing has. "I don't think I'll get bored of you, though," He says seriously after another moment of silence. "You're too pretty."  
  
"I'm not pretty," Lu Han snaps, and it's defensive, the snappiness of constantly denying, constantly hating his self image.  
  
"Cute? Then," Yixing says with a snicker. "You're too cute for me to let you go home too early."  
  
"You make it sound like we're on a date," Lu Han mutters, and he's suddenly aflame with nerves again.  
  
"What if we are?" Yixing says teasingly, and it only serves to make Lu Han more nervous.  
  
"I'm not dressed for a date," Is what comes out of Lu Han's mouth, unplanned and silly to his own ears.  
  
He's not dressed for a date.  
  
  
  


  
~❀~

  
  
  
  
"Do you like rabbits?" Yixing asks, and it startles Lu Han from his daydream, head snapping up in confusion.  
  
They're in a gift shop, one with too many wind chimes and not enough footballs, and Lu Han is growing bored, fingers trailing up the tail of an ornate dragon figure.  
  
"They're cute?" Lu Han answers, and he's frowning, unsure. "I guess?"  
  
"I think they're fantastic," Yixing says, and he's holding up a rabbit stuffed animal, big and fluffy with large eyes that creep Lu Han out. "Not as good as sheep, though."  
  
"Sheep?" Lu Han asks incredulously. "What's so good about sheep?"  
  
"Everything," Yixing answers, and he says no more, shifting gears to walk briskly from the shop without checking to see if Lu Han is following.  
  
He's strange.  
  
"This feels more your speed," Yixing says, dragging Lu Han into a sportswear store. And he's right, it _is_ Lu Han's taste.  
  
Though too expensive, Lu Han's eyes widening as he glances at the price tag on a pair of shorts, excitement dying. "This place is ridiculously expensive," He grumbles, turning to Yixing with a frown.  
  
"Such is the price of fashion," Yixing says with a laugh, seemingly undeterred. "Browsing is fun though, is it not?"  
  
And Lu Han can't help but to agree as he tries on a pair of shoes, as he trails after Yixing when his name is called.  
  
"Do you drink coffee?" Yixing calls back, a good few feet ahead of Lu Han, walking too quickly for Lu Han to properly keep up. He's regretting his lack of exercise the past month, regretting the slump he's been in.  
  
He's having fun.  
  
Lu Han of course, does drink coffee, and it feels like even more of a date as he sits across from Yixing, as he frets and plays with a lock of his hair nervously, latte shakily held in hand. His anxiety isn't quite ebbing, but Yixing ha been right so far.  
  
Escape is good.  
  
  
  


  
~❀~

  
  
  
"I know a place," Is all Yixing says before he's dragging Lu Han out and down the street again.  
  
Lu Han's pretty sure he hasn't done this much walking in at least a year, hasn't had this much socialization in one day. It's draining in a way, and yet he hasn't stopped grinning for at least an hour.  
  
"What kind of place?" Lu Han asks, and he's panting a little from their walk up a hill, glancing behind him at the park below, benches and families and an excited, yappy little dog.  
  
"We have to break some rules," Yixing says dangerously, eyes glinting in the late afternoon sunlight, the kind that shines too low and almost dark.  
  
"Um--" Lu Han stammers, and he's already feeling it, the sharp feeling of **NO** the fear of getting caught, getting hurt, getting--  
  
"It's nothing illegal," Yixing says with a reassuring laugh, a giggle almost at Lu Han's expense. "Well, not _too_ illegal?"  
  
"What are we--"  
  
"Just trust me," Yixing says, and he reaches for Lu Han's hand this time, rather than his wrist, lacing their fingers together and tugging.  
  
"Okay," Lu Han says, and he weirdly does trust Yixing, finds himself following easily as they trek further into the treed area at the side of the park, the sounds of the river close by.  
  
Lu Han's never been a fan of rivers, of water and especially of heights, so when he finds himself on the other side of the fence Yixing had made them climb over, his legs are shaking.  
  
They're too close to the river, banks dropping off at a higher point than normal, and Lu Han hugs the fence the entire walk, wary of slipping, of falling into the water and to his probable death.  
  
"Don't worry," Yixing says, grabbing Lu Han's hand again and pressing close to him. It does nothing to calm Lu Han, only makes him more nervous, too aware of Yixing's presence. "If we keep going there's kind of cliff thing and you can see over the river and the tops of trees and the city lights are so pretty."  
  
The way Yixing speaks of it, Lu Han wonders if this is Yixing's special place, like the hill that with the good view of the sunset is his own. He wonders if this is where Yixing goes to be chronically sad.  
  
"Have you never been caught going over here?" Lu Han asks warily, tripping over some rocks and nearly shrieking, gasping as Yixing grips his arms and holds him in place with a worried kind of chuckle.  
  
"Careful," Yixing says quietly, and Lu Han can feel a kind of mood shift, can feel the air growing cooler as the sun starts to dip further down. When the winds become whisper soft and calming. "It's private property but it's abandoned," Yixing explains with a happy sigh. "I've been coming here since I was a kid and I've never seen anyone."  
  
"Like a second home," Lu Han says wistfully, and he wishes he had one. A place that never changes. Even his hill has only been a few months, only been since he moved to this neighbourhood.  
  
"It is my home," Yixing says in a hushed kind of voice as they approach the overhang, and Lu Han can see the lights in the distance, can see how high up they are. He shivers from more than just the cold and wonders if he's finally seeing the sadness in Yixing.  
  
He still doesn't understand why he's so curious, so drawn to finding it.  
  
"Your home?" Lu Han asks, and he needs to sit down, needs to find his bearings when they get too close to the edge, when his knees become jelly and the water looks too deep.  
  
"My forever home," Yixing explains. "A place that's always there no matter what."  
  
"Don't you have a real home?" Lu Han asks, and now he sees it, hears it, the carefree tone of Yixing's voice gone with the sun.  
  
"I have a house," Yixing says with a shrug, and he's still casual, muted but still flippant, still Yixing from therapy. "But this is my home."  
  
"It must suck when it rains," Lu Han says intelligently, but he's pleased to find Yixing laughing, a real one, head thrown back and eyes crescents.  
  
"You're so cute," Yixing says, and Lu Han wonders how many times he's heard that today.  
  
"You're weird," Lu Han shoots back. He feels like he's fifteen, and it's nice in a way.  
  
"We should take a nap," Yixing suggests, and for some reason it sounds like the best idea to Lu Han, who can finally feel the pain of walking all day, the tiredness of getting woken up suddenly, early.  
  
"Is it okay?"  
  
"Of course," Yixing says, and without asking, without waiting for approval, he tugs Lu Han to lay down beside him, too close and yet it's okay.  
  
Lu Han isn't shaking as he dozes off to the soft glow of city lights, and the sound of the river.  
  
-  
Yixing kisses him before they part ways, a brush of lips that's barely anything. "A present," Yixing calls it, "For escaping."  
  
And it's not really escape, not really running away, but Lu Han has never felt so free, tiny tub of ice cream in hand and smile on his lips as he quietly sneaks into his house.  
  
He can be anxious tomorrow, and maybe he'll learn why Yixing is so sad. Maybe.  
  
  


  
~❀~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written for deerofdawn round two ~


End file.
